Studying

Well I say studying maths do indeed make me feel like going mad
But it's a choice which i think i did not regret even though i do not do well in it...
Spending infinite amt of time thinking bout 1 qns is not unusual
Giving up some stuff to make more time is not unusual too...
it's a personal choice made and only i can truly i understand why i made that choice

Well wad i regret maybe is being not able to spend more time with those ppl i cherish...
Tuition & more tuition but i didnt really have a choice....if i could do without it... i will

Many times i really sincerely want to help but i dun have the strength to....
Is it helping 1 small thing less worthy than helping 1 big thing?

Life

This past few weeks has made me think about a lot of things. The things that happen this year have made me very tired physically and emotionally. I think i'm finally trying to get hold of my emotions. I think i really allowed my emotions run wild...becoming irritated easily...something that i was not before.

I think i had done enough moral reasoning for this year such that i can't even come to a conclusion of what is right and wrong...instead it is easy to be come judgemental in everything...

I realised how different ideology can become fatal indeed....
I learned that becoming humble is really the best way to stop yourself from being too jugdemental and prevent dark emotions such as betrayal, jealousy, hatred to creep into your heart.

Haha...on a lighter note, i think sharing happy moments will be my medicine now :)

Anyway, I completed my korean presentation last tuesday....nervous... but i'm glad i did ok...
Taking 2 language at the same time is indeed more tedious than i thought but it's still interesting to learn about culture through the language.... Surprisingly, i managed to complete my malay CA without understanding 1/4 of the vocab....wah...i think i need lots of memory man!! How i wish i have a dictionary!

frustration & confusion

I have always like peace esp in the family....
I can be strong emotionally in other things but towards my family i will never fail to break down when things become negative.

It is indeed difficult not to judge others
It is difficult when ppl do not listen to you speak
It is harder when you realise some ppl are not grateful at the things that you did.

I'm not asking for rewards or even expressing being grateful, but it hurts when your intention is to help but the other party saw your intention as being evil. It hurts and make me wonder do all the suffering & downfalls we get have to be accounted for by anybody or anything.

There are many things in life not beyond our control and we can complain but i thought that is one way to temporary relieve stress. However, i also realise that is one good way to develop self pity and hatred.

Why why why must it be me? this question that builds self pity...
Why Why Why must you do this to me? this question that builds hatred...

It is hard to manage betrayal but does it mean we should dwell on what is bad?
"You wouldnt understand what i'm going through" is a common statement.
Off course this is totally through and is true for anyone who said it....
We are have a fair share of our pains and individual limits to everything
Nobody can understand totally what is the feelings we have gone through in ever thing in our life
but then how can we say which experience is more fair than the other.
In my opinion, it is hard to judge & it should not be judge.

Yes, I have indeed not meet enough hardships in life and taste bitterness in life,
But I have understood not to expect much on what this world can give
because i came into this world without a choice but i can choose not to be like the things of this world....yes i do hate myself for losing control and following the ways of the world but i'll try my best to get out of it as long as i leave...

"Not to think less of yourself but to think of yourself less often" I really need to be more humble

Is depression a excuse for violence or a tool for violence?
Is self pity a reason for violence?
is there even any reason to justify violence?

i wonder how will i react if one day i feel betrayal
i wonder what will i do if one day i lost everything just like Job
I wonder will i breakdown & cry or will i just ponder in silence or jus decide to let my mind run wild....

I must say gals are indeed troublesome because they try to bear to much emotional burden which exceeds their limit...
When there is more than 1 female in the house....it gets tiring....

I absolutely hate to take sides in quarrels...not that i like the fence poking into my butt
but there is no rights in a quarrel anymore...when it was decided to be more than a friendly exchange of ideas......

Hai....i wonder can i control myself if i see someone quarrelling anymore
I feel like slapping them to shut them up...but then it is sinful to do that & i doesnt help
Oh well, i'll jus ignore all these nonsense..........

P.S dun ever try to pick a fight with me....it will come out 10x worst than the nonsense that wad i have tolerated so far...

Sick!

My head is dizzy now! So sian, it's the start of school & i'm coughing like hell...
just went to see the doc yesterday, Damn ex $47, hai...the medicine makes me wanna puke
and i was having isomnia even though i was so tired & dizzy.... Wad the hell???

Cannot imagine that i was struggling to sleep when the medicine made me so dizzy...
like some drunkard who feels like puking and couldn't walk properly...

So sick of being sick!
Another sick thing i did was to take korean lvl 1 and malay lvl 1 this sem...
haha...i really dun have other electives that i'm interested in liao....
Hopefully these lang class will be fun....

Listen to them speak

Mr dustbin,

Why do you always fill yourself with tonnes of garbage? Even many times when you could take no more, why do you not tell anyone that you're full? Faithfully you waited till the cleaner came, the only one who could relieve your pain and sorrow. Now now take care not to fall apart from those garbage.

Yours sincerely,
Your all time fan

Seasons

Like how the season change

You are like Spring
Excitement fills my heart
Anxiously waiting to fill my curiosity
Bit by bit like a puzzle, the pieces fell into place
Slowly and surely i saw the picture of your face
Smiling brightly at me

You are like Summer
Shinning ever brightly
full of hope and joy you bring
The warmth you brought gave me assurance
Tears dried up because of your presence
Savoring our time together

You are like Autumn
Fallen leaves that swept past me as the wind blows
You came and went
I could not hold onto you
Slowly memories faded away
The air feels cold and stale
My heart starts to beat slowly
You left me confused
Night and day I wonder where you are

You are like Winter
Only cold freezing air is left
Those strange icy stares
The awkward silence
All became familiar
I could not breathe anymore near you
My heart became as cold as ice

Winter hearts yearn for Spring
Spring hearts assumes Summer comes
Summer hearts fear Autumn
Autumn hearts prepare for Winter

Where are my 6/7

Gambling havent been my forte...& most importantly no luck...
Hai~ if it only applies to gambling....my life will be more peaceful man

When there is only 1/7 probability of getting X and 6/7 to get Y.... I jus dun understand why i can get the 1/7 more easily than 6/7....it jus defies the probablities that i learn...
Not once but twice....Sian....the best part i didnt even know about that 1/7 until the last min...
it was like being stuff with things i dun wan to face.... now? i got it again without much choice too... buy 4D also dun have so lucky....i jus cant help rejecting the 1/7... i noe i'm being not nice & bias...but i really jus cant help it....i just prefer the 6/7....

Hai~those that i had wished to have near me wasn't there...
those i did not have any intention of being too near jus happen to be the nearest...
Ya...I mean like jus across the street...hai~
Sometimes, unknowingly I jus cry out to God for help!!
and i'm glad that when 1/7 became 1/2... i didnt get X... I got the other, Y.... haha...
so the moral of the story is...the more you wan it...more you wouldnt get it....
when the probability is 1/7...it is easier for me to get it...
when the probability increase to 1/2...i dun get it...
Yeah!...so cool....

random post 2

OH...haha...listening to some of ss501 clips on youtube...haha... i never used to "chase" after singers/ idols...never really like queue long hrs or spent lots of money etc...

Hee hee...but i think the korean boy bands have made me a little unsettled...LOL....
Why?
1) super nice voices...not like those taiwan boybands...
2) tenor, sweet real male voices!!
3) though i dun understand guys with standing hair(using gel), but they look cool even with long hair....LOL... makes me wonder isst becos they look feminie(pretty boys) that's why i take a second look!
4) Other than S.H.E which i haven get to listen to their concert....i wanna go to ss501 asia tour...which i suppose do not include sg...so sad....well...dun think i have extra money to spent anyway...so sad...even when i dun understand their language....it's the tune & emotion brought forth in the song that makes me wanna hear them sing....

Oh....Young saeng is really good at singing! DBSK too....arh!!! acapella grp... some how i predict i'll post something similar again...oh well...ss501 + dbsk + suju Gambatte!!

look, listen, acknowledge and share

Communication skills........ hai~ when i open my mouth to speak i feel insignificant! why? Cos my words whether is it rubbish or not...in a normal conversation it can cut off out of no where & ppl dun realise it! AT least that is what my parents always do to me........ It make me wonder did i speak too soft or was the timing wrong......or do i always have to address the person before i speak!
this thingy happen this sun again...so sian....should i like jus get used to it??? freaking weird cos i was sitting behind them in the car & i was projecting my voice towards the front...my sis heard what i say........lots of time..........numerous times this happen before.......hai~~~ i feel like a piece of meat sitting in the car when they dun reply me...seriously...it's like we are in the middle of a conversation and it can end like so suddenly......it feels like the tennis commercial where the parent block away whatever they dun wan to hear!!! my feelings are like that at that time.......jus a piece of fat meat sitting at the back being transported around :(

Hai~ maybe it would feel better if this only happens at home...at least you still can argue that parents old liao...hearing not so good...but this happens when i speak to young ppl too... why??
I think the best listener i had is God & my pillows & bolster....& maybe my ducks.......

it's so miserable when you wanna cry but cant...does anyone understand that feeling...being trapped in emotions like a vicious cycle......like a full bottle without a cap...the water seems to be like reaching the brim but never over flow.......oh so miserable.....it's good to cry man!

frustrated

I'm usually an "anything" person...& the having to irritated and frustrate me...too me...it's a big enough thingy...OMG...i'm too easily irritated now adays...& i find myself not being able to control my emotions too well....

Call me too sensitive or crazy... whatever...honestly i just cant help thinking bout it...cos it piss me off! Hai~.... Maybe like what my lao po says...my affection towards different person is not the same... and it just seems to hit my nerves...& totally affect my mood! OMG help me....

It feels like i'm thinking too much...is like i tell myself:" you're not a princess loh... lumpy fats i have alot but...attention dun thing so much le" ya attention for shuang yu isst very good...though i hate to believe in horoscope...but i seem to fit...well that's not the point... when you think someone has an intention of being more than friends what do you do? Haha...i realise i will run/avoid as much as possible....

well it's still not the main point!! WHO WILL FREAKINGLY TOUCH OTHER PPL's HAIR WITHOUT ASKING!!!!!!!!!!!! esp when you are not really in any of these category: My lao po, my girlfriends, my close enough guy friends, even they dun do it like so randomly!! & no only when the situation is not like so weird without reason, it's not like my hair swing and hit yr face or something like that...i know how pain my hair is...but must have some sort of reason.... like so random...i wasnt even TALKING to you when you do that!!!!!! ARH! i am piss off!

Okie...calming down make me think if something just flew past my head & you just happen to stand there...so i thought was a coincedence.......NO LOH! IT FREAKING HAPPEN AGAIN!
WHAT THE???? This is the time when i wanna cry but cant...wanna scream but cant....
i jus space out.....save me!!!!

Thinking thinking thinking too much....I dun hate...jus that it feels uncomfortable & it is too hard for me to talk bout it properly......hopefully...phew...i jus need some space to shout out man!!!
I'm totally glad it is june now!! Praise the lord man!!

random post 1

Listening now: Dbsk's acapella version of begin

Surfing youtube now...hehe...Dbsk is really super mei nan zi...sometimes they make me wish for a bf that look like tat...maybe bcos i'm drown by their voices...very relaxing soft but strong voices!!
my favourite!! I like how they sing acapella...& i miss singing somehow...

Miss Misses Missed

Hmmm........ Just so randomly...... I'm feeling abit weird......especially after chalet....

I just feel like something is being missed out and there is something i'm missing now....
Haha...totally unexplainable feeling......sometimes trying to reason out things make my mind go into turmoil.

Well.... miss the time spent, miss everyone, miss slacking... haha...but still i wouldnt wanna live a slacking life everyday...but feels like there is not enough time to do everything tat i wanna to do....
I miss you Swing, i'll come back again....hopefully you will stay there forever!!!!!!

Nan Chiau HIgh!

I feel the urge to write this...good way to remember things that i have experience....
Firstly, almost 3 yrs ago i decided to take up math course not will the intention of teaching in mind!
To some extend i dislike the idea of having to stand in front of a class to speak! Never will i tot that i have to do intern at a school...but i enjoyed it till now... why?
I guess...i can get an idea of how being a teacher is really like....haha...totally not for the weak hearted!

Students nowadays are even tougher to teach...more hipper active!
At first i tot my days will be boring or stress...but well here's wad i experience so far:
1) the most boring and easy to fall asleep: invigilation!
2) the most boring and tedious: marking esp if i have to look at angles!
It is not as easy as it seems man!
3)the most troublesome but brain resting time: photocopying worksheets
Haha...i think the only place which needs a machine to staple doc is the sch other than being a bookshop/photocopy shop owner!
Lucky someone tot of it man...cannot imagine stapling hundreds of worksheet! can die!
4) the most brain cracking: preparing class materials

I'm glad i got to attached to a teacher who is doing a research on teach less learn more aka TLLM.... I get to see something else other than teaching...well up till now have been doing some art work...i mean literally cut & paste stuff!!

Haha...my work place is full of boxes...papers...boards!! like mini bookshop...
my friends were so bored that they decided to help me with a little art!! I'm so grateful for that sia!

I think wad makes it fun is the 7 other interns! we get to laugh off the lousy homeworks/grades... weird behaviours of students....haha...many different kinds of students that can make you cry & laugh!! Seeing the full time teachers struggling to finish marking mid term papers! scanning the OAS! oh! i finally got to see how it's done...haha...there is like only this 1 machine in the whole sch! must queue up loh...so ke lian! being able to help each other when one party is overload is something i'm grateful for...

I'll get to prepare the math trail too!! hopefully it will be fun :)

Star Award 2009

Wah Piang!! cant believe Xiao Niang Re got so many awards! Ya i dont really like the idea of bai mei xiu winning the best actress award! She's not even the black horse in my candidates to win list!! though she acted better then ou xuan, i still think chen li ping should win....& OMG the dai yang tian???? best supporting actor? aiyooo...i cannot take it loh....though he is good looking, i feel there are others who has better performance!! so disappointed with media corp! I hate it when they try to "produce" the 7 princesses to be the AH jies.... I believe new blood is needed for media corp but... I think they are trying to brain wash viewers into accepting them as the next generation oh ah jies!! I mean if they are really impressive i dun mind whatever promotion they do...but not all the 7 princesses are fantastic...I cant act but at least i know what impresses me as a viewer...

But i do like rui en in the 7 princesses and prefer a few of the previous generation actors/actresses... maybe now is the transition between the old & new generation so not really used to it yet...well but now i seldom watch media corp shows...I prefer korean, japanese and taiwan shows...koreans have some very funny variety show that i dun think sg has.... i wonder how long does our mediacorp to evolve into something more creative other than just changing their company name!!

My laptop died on me on wed!! Haha... I thought it could last like until my paper on fri is over.... while i think is cool to have someone who can do IT stuff in the house, like my dad...haha...every time got prob he'll fixed it.....well though sometimes it takes like ages...but he solved the prob in one day!! fastest record man!!

My stupid comp's usb ports are blocked loh...cannot even read my thumbdrive or sd card... sian cannot even transfer any files!! Hai~ so some data is lost!! hopefully i backed up all the photos liao....cannot remember if i still have the latest photos...

"We got married"

LOL... It's a long time since i post and i realized Ky's & Joyce's comment...
HAHA...the "we got married" is a Korean variety show that I was watching which stars one of the korean singer from the boyband ss501.... He is also the one who acted as hua zhe lie (rui) in the korean version of hana yori dango!!
Hyun Joong Oppa!!
Haha... Janet & HL also know de!!
The variety show quite interesting if your free can watch on my soju too :)

Anyway...SS501 has a member call young saeng!! He sings the higher range in the group(i like tenors!!)... I like the way he sings, as in he puts in emotions...haha...very cool!!

This video young saeng is singing "i believe" super nice...must hear!!



They sang this live on a radio.... the song is from a popular korean drama...bogoshipda apparently it's quite popular...

Pretty Pictures

Hehe...today after dinner we went to take neoprint!!!
It has been ages since i took 1 I like this machine...
big space nice decorations & backgrd... Haha...
but i still wish it will have a greater variety!!
I like the Kill Them theme... LOL....
Joyce look like power women who totally
have control of the cat!! Meow!

Next time the whole ASG should go take again!! It has been a long time since we do so.... Haha...should do it before we turn too old to act cute!!

お誕生日

ありがと　ございます。
今日は　誕生日のパ－ティ　が　好きです。
それから、ASGのmemberは　全部で　にぎやが　ですから、とても　たのしかった　です。
そして、プレアゼント　も　好きです。
ほとに　ありがと　ございます。

結婚したいです！

私は　今 とても　面白いテレビのばんぐみを見ました。ばんぐみの名前は　"we got married" です。私は　今　結婚したいですね。ても、彼氏が　いません。将來　親切なとハンサムな主人と　結婚したいです。私は　子供　大好きですから、沢山　子供が 欲しいです。 女の子か男のこも　いいですよ。

Horrible nightmare part 2: the story

I dream tat i woke up wonderin Wad time it is... To my horror, It is 10.59! My quiz has started... N it is a one hr quiz... So there's no way i can even make it to sch to See the papers... My body lost control of itself n i jus kept screamin n runnin around... Then opening my cupboard it is filled with clothes tat i have never seen b4... I could feel my self laterally gaspin for breathe! Omg N all this because my phone hang again! So alarm cant ring... I cant believe i let this phone freak me out! Sian!

Nightmare

Oh my god... I haven had terrible nightmares for a long time... Cant believe it happen on the night before my quiz! Haha... After much evaluation i realised it was cause by stress n my stupid phone... A simple dream of being late for sch will not be much of a terror for me... But... Why must this dream be the night before my quiz... I was totally freak out in my dream... Yeah... The scary part is the feelings felt were So real tat I was like laterally drown with anxiousness...

Cny visitin

Yo! this year's visiting is different from last year sia!
haha..first time having 2 person wearing similar dress :)
first time i have to spill so many things in one day...
first time xc is doing visitin with us! all the ponyo & alien stuff lol...
first time sl became the banker of the day! (hope she will win more money to cover the losses)
A sudden change in the visiting course!
First time ASG met Jack!
First time walking so late at night with janet...
lol...she dun really exceed 12am... so it is a rare chance!!

Many stuff that i cherish...this can only happen becos we stay each other...
Reflecting....it's something i'm grateful for....
To be able to go to each other's place to countdown, play mahjong, eat dinner easily
without having to travel far...
To be able to meet each other easily if i need someone to talk to, accompany me to eat
To sing midnight K & take cab back together...
To drink teh tarik & chat till it's late... many things

can you imagine staying far from each other...haha... the transport cost & time limitation
we have to bear...more expense over the years man!! haha...this convience should definitely be
cherished!!

I enjoy & like the feeling of ASG going out in a large group....
Well it feels like having many brothers & sisters...
HaHa really hope that we can start doubling our numbers soon!
Haha...i think the changes in the next 5 yrs will be tremedous!!

happy chinese new year everyone!

Abandon cat!

So sad....today my cousin found a kitten near the rubbish chute at our block...
it seems like one of the malay family on our floor discarded it.... :(
Poor kitten...its eyes were not even open yet....& it's meowing non-stop....
so cruel to just 'throw' the kitten away!!!

It's so small...and couldn't even crawl properly yet....
It hurts me, its voice was calling out for help, lost & fearfully
I wonder which owner could bear to just 'throw' it aside...

At least call the spca...at least there might be some hope for the kitty...
Hai~~ sad enough even SPCA cant do much.... because if the kitty cant find a owner fast!!
It will be put to sleep too...so sad...
Hai~ it's even sad cos i cant do anything to help...
it's so weak that it doesn't even know how to drink milk....

Spca came & brought the kitty away in the noon...
Hopefully the kitty will survive...

Facebooking

Suddenly had the urge to flip thru some of my friends profile....
Suddenly i realised..there are so many changes going on around....
Friends(seldom get to see but are impt to me) who got attached one by one without me really realising... Suddenly the idea of growing up really hit me...
Haha..maybe becos ASG ppl are not getting attached at a fast rate....
But many of my uni/JC friends are...or have already been attached...
So cool! finally these stages are coming...think i might get to attend weddings in jus few years to come....

Well...as for those who are already married...babies are popping out everywhere...LOL...
It's so amazing jus looking at photos of those little toddlers & their parents... A very warm feeling...Cozy...happiness...anticipation...they all look very 幸福!

But still i fear everything changes so fast until i wont have energy to keep up...
To keep updated with my friends life (close or not doesnt matter)
It's like reading a never ending book!!!

NEw YEar's resolution

Wow! here comes the new year....2009!
2008 is filled with much changes for me...
In my school work
the people i meet
commitments i decided to make...
many many things i tried to adjust in this year...
2008 is indeed a hard year, an amazing one...
I usually do not make resolutions...
But i do have a sudden urge to write out some expectations for myself

LOL...yo! Mr 2009...
I hope you will be a time where miracles will happen, hopes restored...
I want my 2009 to be a year where i can experience abundant life
Where there is prosperity, provision and restoration.......
1. I'm determined to pull up my GPA above 3.....to get my As
2. I'll some how just knock myself on the wall if i keep gaining weight
which equals to controlled eating or vigorous exercise...OH God help me!
3. I wanna have deeper & closer relationships with ppl around me
4. controlled spending & plus savings!! many many!

All the tough stuff for me!! maybe becos i didnt set a clear goal in 2008 thus
i have to go thru all the messy stuff in 2008...LOL
Happy New year everyone!