Very Sad

Hai....looking at my result slips i can only feel more n more depress after each sem...
sian...There are ppl who are upset because they could not measure up to their peers,
there are those who could not meet their own expectations...
& ME? My result really cannot make it because it's worse than the 2 reasons above....
it's the sadness one will not understand if they got at least As & Bs....
I dun have low expectation of my studies....i tried my best...but it really seem beyond my control
i could just go crazy any time...

Sometimes i expect the grades i get...but then again...i dun wan them like Totally!
But when i noe how good my peers are it seem logical i get those grades...hai then again...
why? Never in my life i feel so helpless in my studies...Never...

but you noe what's the funny thing? I did not regret learning the things i did...i never really hated it with all my heart like i use to hate chinese when i was in primary sch...
I still enjoy my normal O & A'level maths...haha... i jus hate descriptions & paragraphs of words

I think another thing that has always add on to my misery is...i'm being too idealistic at times...
towards how my life should be...how my family, friends & love should be....
I dun expect them to meet my expectations...will be glad if it did...but i'll jus be sad & fustrated
at it...

I dun really cry...unlike my sis who can cry like a baby anytime she likes...
I cant really squeeze those tears..even when i am in great pain now...
haha...maybe if i bleed externally...maybe...like how i use to cry till i cant breathe when i hit my
head on the ground...

But to be overwhem by saddness n cry...i wish i could.... so much...

Some ppl gets attention without even putting in effort....like little Min Min...
she gets to choose who she wans to be carried with & play with...
Ppl of all kinds jus crowd around her jus cos she's too cute & noes how to act angelic...
haha...not fair sia...(some ppl grew up n still maintain those attention too)
Although i do not get her attention most of the time but i'm jus addicted to making her smile
cos it makes me smile :) She is a joy indeed...it becomes easy when you try to be energetic when
y're like super tired!

Hopefully those feelings wont fade with time when she grows up...