Very Sad

Hai....looking at my result slips i can only feel more n more depress after each sem...
sian...There are ppl who are upset because they could not measure up to their peers,
there are those who could not meet their own expectations...
& ME? My result really cannot make it because it's worse than the 2 reasons above....
it's the sadness one will not understand if they got at least As & Bs....
I dun have low expectation of my studies....i tried my best...but it really seem beyond my control
i could just go crazy any time...

Sometimes i expect the grades i get...but then again...i dun wan them like Totally!
But when i noe how good my peers are it seem logical i get those grades...hai then again...
why? Never in my life i feel so helpless in my studies...Never...

but you noe what's the funny thing? I did not regret learning the things i did...i never really hated it with all my heart like i use to hate chinese when i was in primary sch...
I still enjoy my normal O & A'level maths...haha... i jus hate descriptions & paragraphs of words

I think another thing that has always add on to my misery is...i'm being too idealistic at times...
towards how my life should be...how my family, friends & love should be....
I dun expect them to meet my expectations...will be glad if it did...but i'll jus be sad & fustrated
at it...

I dun really cry...unlike my sis who can cry like a baby anytime she likes...
I cant really squeeze those tears..even when i am in great pain now...
haha...maybe if i bleed externally...maybe...like how i use to cry till i cant breathe when i hit my
head on the ground...

But to be overwhem by saddness n cry...i wish i could.... so much...

Some ppl gets attention without even putting in effort....like little Min Min...
she gets to choose who she wans to be carried with & play with...
Ppl of all kinds jus crowd around her jus cos she's too cute & noes how to act angelic...
haha...not fair sia...(some ppl grew up n still maintain those attention too)
Although i do not get her attention most of the time but i'm jus addicted to making her smile
cos it makes me smile :) She is a joy indeed...it becomes easy when you try to be energetic when
y're like super tired!

Hopefully those feelings wont fade with time when she grows up...

My poor HP

Hai...my k800i has been with me for 2 yrs plus going to three soon.... it's really starting to break down soon...i think...keep getting missed call sms from singtel n i dont seem to be able to receive msgs properly...like...some sort of time lapse....so frustrating...

Hai...was browsing the internet for some phones which i can consider....hopefully i can change my phone in next few months!! I was quite interested in SE c905...but is expensive, n some ppl wont like the bunky size...but...haha...k800 is is a little smaller...so not much of a difference...

It's hard to get something that is similar to my phone now...at a not so ex price!
I like my phone i have now...i dun wan to change if it doesnt die on me...
Dun wanna get a hp with specs worse than k800...haha... if not i wont be able to tolerate it!
I heard C905 might have Pink coloour! Yeah PINK! if it's out i think i'll be super duper tempted...

I'm jus lazy to bring my cam out sometimes...that's why i wanted a so called better cam phone...
N it has wifi too...it would be a good additional feature but haven got a chance to step into SE to test out the phone...

overall...i can only keep dreaming bout it...cos i got no money liao...after spending on Food & shoppin & my tennis lesson....hai....i need to save some how....prayin that miss k800i will be nice to me for the next few months...if not i'll go crazy!

Devil beside you

Hehe....after much raves bout the show devil beside you by Sl....i finally have time to watch it few days ago...although is like an old 偶像剧....it's quite a nice romance show.... although most of 偶像剧 has similar plots....n you can easily predict who will end up coupling together....but i think what makes the show interesting is the different kind of characters and how each couple eventually get together... well...devil beside you is not bad because it talks bout how the male is like a devil... he kind of being able to manipulate the feelings of his girlfriend...haha...but the girl still fall for him..
there is a mixture of sincerity and cruelty.... especially towards the last episode....maybe cause couldnt get over it thus...i'm writing bout it...haha

well....the scene could be not so sad or cruel if the bf is not casted as an devil... the decision to go overseas to stay with yr mom is not really a bad thing especially when you didnt really get to experience it well when you're younger.... but having to leave behind yr girlfriend...leaving her to wait endlessly is cruel.... it is not like the usual romance show which the male lead would say "please wait for me., i'll be back for you" type of show... more like "I'm the devil, what else can you expect?" which i thing would make females watching the show angry...haha...because you are the one stepping into my life then you wanna walk away like nothing happen...n there's nothing the gf could do....sad...sad...

so i was thinking....wah the scriptwriter so jue qing....haha... now how to plan the scene in which the gf can forgive the bf for saying or doing such things....too extreme liao... well they manage to make up...i think it's really that one sentence that the devil said which most gals will eventually forgive him....he said:"我有预感我会一辈子只喜欢你"... it is like... i cant expect or give you an answer when i'll be back...even if you fall in love with someone else...i know you will only be the one in my heart forever....so sweet! haha....

hmmm...this cause me to pause & think... is it possible to only love someone...only that someone for your entire life...even when the person is not with you liao??? isst realistic? but if someone is able to do so i think it's quite amazing....becos there must be something that the person hold on to....thus unable to forget to love....

this makes me think why some people could also come to hate those once they loved...friends or family...
i think is sad....