frustration & confusion

I have always like peace esp in the family....
I can be strong emotionally in other things but towards my family i will never fail to break down when things become negative.

It is indeed difficult not to judge others
It is difficult when ppl do not listen to you speak
It is harder when you realise some ppl are not grateful at the things that you did.

I'm not asking for rewards or even expressing being grateful, but it hurts when your intention is to help but the other party saw your intention as being evil. It hurts and make me wonder do all the suffering & downfalls we get have to be accounted for by anybody or anything.

There are many things in life not beyond our control and we can complain but i thought that is one way to temporary relieve stress. However, i also realise that is one good way to develop self pity and hatred.

Why why why must it be me? this question that builds self pity...
Why Why Why must you do this to me? this question that builds hatred...

It is hard to manage betrayal but does it mean we should dwell on what is bad?
"You wouldnt understand what i'm going through" is a common statement.
Off course this is totally through and is true for anyone who said it....
We are have a fair share of our pains and individual limits to everything
Nobody can understand totally what is the feelings we have gone through in ever thing in our life
but then how can we say which experience is more fair than the other.
In my opinion, it is hard to judge & it should not be judge.

Yes, I have indeed not meet enough hardships in life and taste bitterness in life,
But I have understood not to expect much on what this world can give
because i came into this world without a choice but i can choose not to be like the things of this world....yes i do hate myself for losing control and following the ways of the world but i'll try my best to get out of it as long as i leave...

"Not to think less of yourself but to think of yourself less often" I really need to be more humble

Is depression a excuse for violence or a tool for violence?
Is self pity a reason for violence?
is there even any reason to justify violence?

i wonder how will i react if one day i feel betrayal
i wonder what will i do if one day i lost everything just like Job
I wonder will i breakdown & cry or will i just ponder in silence or jus decide to let my mind run wild....

I must say gals are indeed troublesome because they try to bear to much emotional burden which exceeds their limit...
When there is more than 1 female in the house....it gets tiring....

I absolutely hate to take sides in quarrels...not that i like the fence poking into my butt
but there is no rights in a quarrel anymore...when it was decided to be more than a friendly exchange of ideas......

Hai....i wonder can i control myself if i see someone quarrelling anymore
I feel like slapping them to shut them up...but then it is sinful to do that & i doesnt help
Oh well, i'll jus ignore all these nonsense..........

P.S dun ever try to pick a fight with me....it will come out 10x worst than the nonsense that wad i have tolerated so far...